I'm no astronomer. I don't really understand the expansion of the
universe. In discovering the law of gravity, Newton uncovered the fact
that all objects in the universe are attractive, each pulling at and
towards each other. For the universe to be ever-expanding, then, seems
quite a paradox.
What, then, is it expanding into? Well, as it turns out... nothing. The
universe is finite and not growing. It circles back upon itself and all
journeys to its 'edge' are thereby inherent returns to one's starting
point. The constant expansion that astronomers speak of is actually an
increasing distance between the relative parts of the universe... still a
paradox, though, if everything is supposed to be attractive.
For me, all things are echoes. I've always felt this way. What happens
on any one level of life, somehow is echoing in all of the others. Thus,
I too am expanding. Not physically, but certainly relatively. I expand
away from my childhood. I expand away from old friends and old beliefs. I
move partly because of inertia -- in other words, like the universe, I
move because I've always been moving. I also move because of the
impelling force of my own inner dark matter. And always, I move back to
the beginning. Or try to.
To expand is to unfold, like an indigo blue bunting opening its wings before flight.
To expand is to open your horizons. To learn, yes, but even more than
that to open your heart to learning... to be willing to question
everything you know, including your very self.
To expand is to express more fully. To go from a thesis statement to an
essay where more is explained and thoughts are developed.
Are these things we are always doing? Or just hope to be doing? Are we expanding? Can we not be?
With Christmas just passed, my mind has returned to beginnings... or
earlier times. Times when Christmas held that certain magic for me, the
magic that only a child can enjoy and spread. When and how it is lost, I
have never understood. I tried to hold onto it for so long -- going
through all of the same processes in dire desperation. Making the same
gingerbread houses. Listening to CDs of Christmas songs. Decorating the
tree with ornaments our family has acquired since before I was born --
glass ornaments with my name and my brothers' names etched upon them,
needlepoint ornaments sewn by my mother, funny little skiing bears and
pirouetting clay cookie girls... everything is there... all of the
memories. But I have expanded away from the magic.
I don't do this anymore, but one of the other things I used to do, out
of habit (inertia, hope, nostalgia) was to watch all of the Christmas
specials that air each year on TV. My favorite was The Grinch Who Stole
Christmas. After he steals all of the presents (and well, EVERYTHING)
from Whoville, after he plants himself high up on his mountain to watch
their sad, crying faces react to the discovery that they now have no
presents, no Christmas, what the Grinch actually sees is that Christmas
is something else to the Whos. Out they come, singing, making a circle,
holding hands... and celebrating life itself it seems. And it is this
realization for the Grinch, the realization that they need nothing else
but each other, that causes the Grinch's heart to grow three sizes that
day.
So it is with less, that his heart grows more. Less that is concrete
that is. More that is intangible, spiritual one may say... or just true
and deep comprehension of what was never before known. It is with
understanding that his expansion occurs.
Expansion is not always a positive. Suburbs can over-expand. So can
waistlines and McMansions and SUV sizes. Classroom size can expand so
much that even the best teachers can't teach as well as they'd like,
being unable to give appropriate attention to each student. Wars can
expand. Drought can expand. Pain and grief can expand, for years and
years, instead of contracting.
Love also can expand. I have nothing earth-shattering to say or suggest
or question today. But I think that as the universe expands, and at an
ever-accelerating rates, so should our hearts. As everything quickens
and life seems to move ever faster and ever away, and all sometimes
seems at increasing distances, so should we press our hearts to match
the distance opened. In relationships, if love is not expanding, then
there is no growth. But remember, expansion comes, in part, out of dark
forces and matter. It is not easy and it might be painful. We must be
compelled to MAKE our love expand; it will not do so by itself. Our
bodies, like the universe, are finite, but our empathy is not. While our
inclinations and our fantasies expand, maybe our hearts pull everything
back, hold everything together. Expand to your outer edges and back
into your core. Discover other realms and rediscover the magic.
No comments:
Post a Comment